The Conspiracy Shirt Company MTB Shorts – Woman's Ride Prepared

About the Design

Whether you're outrunning a government drone disguised as a pigeon or just bombing down your favorite trail, you'll want the right gear—enter: The Conspiracy Shirt Company Mountain Bike Shorts.

These aren't your average shorts. These are tactical, trail-ready, and paranoia-approved. Built for comfort, engineered for agility, and stylish enough to confuse a satellite scan, they’re perfect for those who believe that every rustle in the forest might be a cryptid—or just a very determined squirrel spy.

With moisture-wicking fabric, and a sleek, durable design, these shorts scream "I ride hard, and I read the redacted files." And yes, they match your Bigfoot jersey. Coordination is key when fleeing shadowy organizations.

No logos shouting at satellites. Just a small(ish), subtle Conspiracy Shirt Company badge stitched with the same discretion used in black ops files.

Conquer trails. Question reality. Look damn good doing both.

About the Item

Pedal like a whistle-blower on wheels. The Bigfoot AeroSkin Compression Bike Shorts fuse 88 % ultra-tough polyester with 12 % elastane for a stealth-stretch fit that hugs every contour like a government tracker on a hot lead. No side seams means zero chafe and a sleeker profile than a black-budget stealth craft, while the thin elastic mid-rise waistband keeps the shorts locked in place whether you’re crushing climbs, bombing descents, or drafting behind an unmarked van.

• 88 % polyester resists tears, chemicals, and inconvenient shrinkage during black-ops laundry
• 12 % elastane delivers covert flexibility for jumps, sprints, and sudden UFO evasions
• Seam-free sides = smoother silhouette and less fabric waste—eco-friendly subversion
• All-over sublimation print stays vivid through mud, sweat, and classified cover-ups
• Above-knee cut crafted in the USA for rugged trails and even rougher debrief sessions

Care protocol: machine-wash cold, tumble dry low, no bleach, no ironing, definitely no dry-cleaning (they ask too many questions). Slip into AeroSkin and ride deeper into the conspiracy—satellites can watch, but they’ll never keep up.